The Pinocchio Party

Yesterday I talked about the self-parodying Patrick Henry Party.  A.K.A. The Tea Party, A.K.A. teabaggers, A.K.A. republicans.  Today it’s time to look at its patriarch: The Pinocchio Party.  The Pinocchio Party, traditionally known as the GOP, is the party of rank and repeated hypocrisy who now don’t even bother to hide their motives, but rather, practically flaunt their blatant and transparent lies that are believed only by their indescribably dumb supporters.

Rand Paul – teabagger, Senator-elect from Kentucky, opponent of the Civil Rights Act – campaigned against earmarks, pandering to the wildly stupid teabaggers who support him.  Less than one week after being elected to stop this wasteful spending in Washington, Paul states that he has changed his tune and “will fight for Kentucky’s share of earmarks and federal pork.” So, not only has he immediately flip flopped, he will actively “fight for” the very thing he campaigned against.  But this is nothing new.  In fact, it’s the standard M.O. for conservatives.

Teabaggers and the less grammatically challenged conservatives have no principles as exemplified by their consistent votes for politicians who do the exact opposite of what their supporters claim to believe in and hold dear.  Is it any wonder no one takes teabaggers seriously and are the objects of so much mockery?  I postulate that scorn and mockery is our only option.

Perhaps the grandest pillar of the conservative platform is fiscal responsibility.  Conservatives have vociferously and tirelessly campaigned against earmarks, pork and, especially, the stimulus bill (one-third of which was tax cuts which conservatives claim to adore even more than cheap beer and shotguns).  By all accounts, the stimulus bill saved over 3 million jobs and saved our economy from a devastating depression.  Yet conservatives have railed against it as (somehow) fiscally irresponsible.  But perhaps they know it was beneficial but really oppose stimulus spending on principle; a principle that is more important than the benefits provided by its betrayal.  Fair enough.  And, if that’s true, republicans necessarily must reject stimulus projects in their districts.  Let’s take a look.

First, let’s go back to the Mama Grizzly herself, Sarah Palin.  Palin grabbed headlines during the presidential election when she repeatedly stumped against pork and earmarks.  Unfortunately for her, though, it was revealed that she actually pushed for pork and earmarks with the highlight being her Bridge To Nowhere faux pas.  In her attempt to maximize tired rhetoric to her advantage, she unwittingly put a bulls eye on the GOP.  Because she’s super smart.  But I digress.  Let’s follow this turd as it rolls downhill.

John Boehner, the next Speaker of the House, boasts opposition to earmarks on his very own website.  Yet, oddly enough, he happens to be a master of pork distribution in his own district.  It was addressed on the Rachael Maddow show that there is an extra engine made for each F-35 fighter jet.  For years the Pentagon has requested that this wasteful practice be ended, but the engines are made in Boehner’s congressional district and, as Gail Collins of the New York Times said, “John Boehner will throw his body on the second engine any time.”  In other words, you ain’t taking that pulled pork sandwich from him.

And then we have my favorite politician: raving lunatic Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann.  Bachmann,’s perpetual liar, liar “pants on fire!” champion, seems to spend at least half of each day in front of tv cameras whining about earmarks, pork, the stimulus bill, and socialists under your bed.  But in between television appearances, Bachmann is advocating for lots of stimulus spending in her district including a $300 million bridge project.  Even better, Bachmann – the wasteful spending watchdog and socialist hunter – received $250,000 in federal subsidies for her family farm.

There is an astonishing number of republicans who vocally opposed and voted against the stimulus bill while also quietly requesting and accepting stimulus funds and projects.  The following is but a small sample of the lying hypocrites.

Scott Brown and his truck were Tea Party darlings

Five members of the GOP leadership: Mitch McConnell, Mike Pence, Pete Sessions, Lamar Alexander, CathyMcMorris Rogers, as well as high profile conservatives John McCain, Ron Paul (Rand’s big daddy), and (former) Tea Party darling Scott Brown and his pickup truck.

In Texas alone there are 20 hypocritical, lying republicans who received $8 billion in stimulus spending.

And then there’s Lindsay Graham of South Carolina and Joseph Cao of Louisiana.

We can’t forget some of the good ol’ boys from Kentucky who by June funneled 3,291 stimulus projects to their state totally $2.9 billion.  These southern gentlemen include Jim Bunning, Ed Whitfield, Brett Guthrie, Geoff Davis, and Hal Rogers.

And just because conservatives love to talk about the midwest and define it as “real America with real Americans,” let’s give a shout out to Richard Lugar of Indiana who’s bringing real pork and real hypocrisy and real lies to these real Americans in real America.

For the love of God, Don't Do It!!

I used to think there was very little that differentiated the two political parties in America.  They were both puppets of corporate America distinguishing themselves with mere aesthetics and a few populist wedge issues like gay marriage.  But that all changed once GW Bush became president and now there is a vast gulf between the parties on some very serious issues.  After the economic crisis largely caused by Wall Street, Democrats proposed financial oversight legislation designed to prevent the same catastrophe from happening again.  Zero Republicans (none, not one, zip, nada) voted for the financial oversight bill.  Every single one of them voted against it.  To put some context on that, there are 178 republicans in the House and 41 in the Senate.  Each of the 219 Republicans opposed it.  Almost every democrat supported it.

The Pinocchio Party.  They are not only fiscally reckless, they’ve institutionalized it and made it a virtue.  What a bunch of fucking douches.


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