The Curious Case of the Fox and the Dipshit

January 18, 2011

he gunna git him some redneck fer dinner

A hunter in Belarus was recently shot by … a fox. Not a hot chick. I’m talking about the small, omnivorous mammal type of fox.

Apparently the hunter wounded the fox and then tried to bludgeon it to death with the butt of his rifle. The wily fox managed to pull the trigger on the hunter’s rifle, shooting him in the leg before escaping.

According to AOL News, this isn’t the first time an animal has shot a person. In 2005 a Michigan state trooper was shot with his 9mm handgun by his cat. In 2007 an Iowa man was shot with over 100 shotgun pellets by his dog, and in 2010 a California man was shot in the back by his Labrador Retriever while duck hunting.

I can understand the cat shooting. In fact, I expect that from a cat. But I’m a little surprised by the dogs since they’re so forgiving and guileless.

All of this proves the NRA correct: Guns don’t kill people; foxes and house pets kill people.

I have a strange feeling that I’ve seen these incidents in a Far Side cartoon before.

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Sarah Palin Gets a Battle Hymn

January 17, 2011

If you’re stupid and hate the right people, you too can be honored with a battle hymn of your own.

What I like best about Palinistas is that they’re too dumb to know when they should be embarrassed. It creates and perpetuates a very enjoyable cycle.


I’m A Reckless Space Waster & I Didn’t Even Know It

January 17, 2011

the spacebar is not to be used gratuitously

I’m kinda geeky. No, that’s not right. I am unabashedly and unequivocally geeky. I’m dorky, too. I’m only kinda nerdy. It’s because of these qualities that I am bothered by such things as dangling prepositions and, especially, grammatical errors by people who are conspicuously attempting to appear smart. For the former, we have gems like  ‘Where you at?’ For the latter we have statements such as, ‘I feel badly for him.’ Bad would be the proper choice of word since ‘to feel badly’ means an inadequate sense of touch. The linking verb (feel) in this instance does not take an adverb; it takes an adjective. See? Dorky, geeky and kinda nerdy. But I digress.

According to Farhad Manjoo at Slate.com, I’ve been unnecessarily and erroneously adding extra spaces to everything I type. As a good little geek, I include two spaces following a period and preceding the next word. Two spaces. Not one, not three. Two. This is what I was taught, and I was penalized when I failed to do so. Two spaces. Always. Public school failed me.

According to Majoo, the one-space rule is nothing new.

“The people who study and design the typewritten word decided long ago that we should use one space, not two, between sentences. That convention was not arrived at casually. James Felici, author of the The Complete Manual of Typography, points out that the early history of type is one of inconsistent spacing. Hundreds of years ago some typesetters would end sentences with a double space, others would use a single space, and a few renegades would use three or four spaces. Inconsistency reigned in all facets of written communication; there were few conventions regarding spelling, punctuation, character design, and ways to add emphasis to type. But as typesetting became more widespread, its practitioners began to adopt best practices. Felici writes that typesetters in Europe began to settle on a single space around the early 20th century. America followed soon after.”

After surveying ten of my super smart friends, it is apparent that space wasting is a standard curricular error. Every single one of them thought two spaces is proper. (How is it possible for curricular errors to be so common?  Teachers are professionals, if not experts, right? I’m reminded of my teaching days when I once heard a student say the sky is blue because light reflects off the ocean. When questioned, the student was unable to explain why, then, the sky is blue in places like Nebraska and Mongolia. When I asked the entire class how many people were taught the same misinformation, the majority of students raised their hands. But, again, I digress. Because that’s what I do.)

I took a typing class in junior high school. It was a non-elective elective. (ie, my parents forced me to take the class.) Reflecting on all my years of schooling, that typing class was perhaps the most pragmatically useful and appreciated course I ever took during my compulsory schooling days. By far. No other single class has had such a significant utilitarian effect on my life. It was during that class that I learned the two space rule. I did very well in that class and have proudly retained its lessons through adulthood. I’ve been living a lie. And I’ve been pretentiously and arrogantly living that lie. Ouch.

I suspect Mr. Majoo is a bit nerdy and geeky and dorky like me, which is why he makes the following statement. It’s also why I cannot begrudge him this point.

“What galls me about two-spacers isn’t just their numbers. It’s their certainty that they’re right.”

Touche, Mr. Majoo. Touche. I was, indeed, certain that I was right.

It’s not going to be easy to un-learn my reckless space wasting. I’ve been two-spacing for over 20 years and my fingers do it reflexively at this point. In fact, while typing this post about the superfluous space, I’ve continued to use said space after every … single … period. Ugh. I’m getting old and, therefore, can barely learn new technologies at this point. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to successfully tackle this space problem thing.


“Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You’re (my) only hope.”

January 13, 2011

Wall poster

This is not the Princess Leia on my bedsheets or wall poster.  The princess I know and love wears sticky buns for earmuffs.  Do you see sticky buns here?  I don’t.

Let’s face it: she just isn’t Jedi material.  Some people have it, and some don’t.

Salon.com goes into the depressing details.

Not wall poster


Sarah Palin In The Crosshairs

January 13, 2011

Palin's "surveyor's symbols" of death

I won’t bore you with a summary of the recent Sarah Palin catastrophe, but if you’ve been under a rock like I’ve been for the last month, here’s an article you can read on it and here’s an article you can read about the Sarah Palin connection.

It was only a matter of time before someone was killed.  In this case, six people have died so far and Gabrielle Giffords, Democratic Congresswoman from Arizona, is in critical condition after being shot in the head from point blank range.  It didn’t take a sage to see this coming.  Heck, I wrote about the dangers of the right-wing violent rhetoric in this blog months ago.

Ever since Obama was elected, we’ve seen a disturbing amount of violent rhetoric and symbolism fueled, in large part, by talk radio, FOX news and the teabagger movement.  Teabaggers have been loitering outside Obama rallies openly carrying guns and waving “don’t tread on me” signs.  Violent and insurrectional language has become a staple of right-wing media and politicians.  Several of the countless examples include (via Miles Mogulescu at The Huffington Post):

Sharron Angle: ”I hope that’s not where we’re going, but you know if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I’ll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.”

Glenn Beck: “I’m thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I’m wondering if I should kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. No, I think I could.”

Ann Coulter: “My only regret with Tim McVeigh is that he did not go to the New York Times building.”

G. Gordon Liddy (on how to kill law enforcement officers): “…head shots, they are wearing body armor, head shots… or shoot for the groin”.

Dick Heller, the plaintiff in District of Columbia v. Heller, in which the US Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution protects the right of individuals to own guns: “We the people,’ armed, are TRULY what the Writers of the Constitution intended for us to be in Art. 1, Sec. 8, para. 15, and that is the CITIZEN MILITIA. If suicide terrorists DO attact our city, ARMED CITIZENS could be the First to counter these hostilities in our individual neighborhoods.”

Mogulescu goes on to cite The Coalition to Stop Gun Violence which lists 21 armed attacks on innocent people by right-wing vigilantes since 2008.

Sarah Palin’s role in this is not to be understated and she’s taking some serious, er, heat for it right now.  Palin is desperately trying to backtrack from the map with crosshairs she posted prior to the midterm elections, but this is one lie that is particularly difficult for her to pull off.  I mean, really, when she promotes a map like that and then comments on that map with, “Don’t retreat, instead – RELOAD!” it’s kinda hard to beg for plausible deniability.  Her sycophants will buy it, of course, because they’re fucking imbeciles, but poor ol’ Sarah is S.O.L. when it comes to people who can tie their own shoes.  But this point has been played to death as the media loves to do, so let’s move on to some more entertaining aspects of this shit pie.

Team Palin has defended her election map by stating that the targets were not, in fact, crosshairs as they appeared, but rather, “surveyor’s symbols.”  Seriously.  Personal responsibility?  Not from a right-winger and certainly not from Palin.  So, not only does Palin abhor accountability, but she also thinks everyone is as stupid as her apologists.

Thankfully for Palin, she’s not in any danger herself.  After all, she said words do not incite violence.  All is well.  Her good buddy, Glenn Beck, isn’t quite as confident, though.  In a recent email, Beck expressed a fear for Palin’s safety.  This shouldn’t be surprising coming from a guy who sees conspiracies under his bed and who wears a bulletproof vest to his own rallies, but he really has nothing to worry about since Palin says words are just words.  Beck wrote to Palin, “But please look into protection for your family. An attempt on you could bring the republic down.”  Aww, that’s cute.  I think it’s pretty clear that Beck wants to get into Palin’s waders.  Here’s some advice for you, Glenn: Cue the porn music and invite Sarah over for some moose burgers.

In typical Palin fashion, she is claiming that criticism of her is an “obscene” and “appalling” attempt by liberals to score political points.  Oh. My. Fucking. God!  This chick is unbelieable.  But, hey, we’re used to this from Palin by now.  Criticism of her is either an unfair attack by the “lamestream” media, or it’s an attack on her free speech, or it’s an attempt to score political points at her expense.  The hypocrisy defies words.  But let’s look at her free speech double-standard just for shits and giggles.

In Palin’s world of bizarre illogic, anything she says is free speech and anything critical said of her is an attack on that free speech.  Palin Lane is obviously a one-way street.  Perhaps you’ll remember when Rahm Emanuel, former White House Chief of Staff, called some liberal groups “fucking retarded” for which he earned a strong rebuke from Sarah Palin.  Palin called for Obama to fire Emanuel for his comment.  Palin was offended, of course, because her son has Down Syndrome.  Palin is a principled woman, so this was important to her.  She most certainly was not trying to score cheap  political points.

Oh, wait.  Actually, she WAS trying to score cheap political points.  When Rush Limbaugh, obese mouthpiece for the GOP, said, “Our politically correct society is acting like some giant insult has taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards.  There’s going to be a retard summit at the White House,” Sarah Palin was surprisingly silent on the issue.  I guess she just thought Limbaugh, unlike Rahm Emanuel, was just exercising his god-given rights to free speech.

When the Family Guy cartoon aired an episode with a retarded character intended to be Sarah Palin’s daughter (n.b. Palin’s retarded child, Trig, is her son), Palin immediately condemned the tv program.

When “Dr.” Laura Schlessinger, reich-wing radio demogogue and righteous bitch, quit her job after criticism for using the N-word 11 times in one short radio segment, Palin immediately jumped to the good “doctor’s” defense.  Tweeting in defense of Schlessinger, Palin wrote, “”Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence ‘isn’t American,not fair’)”.  Hey, lookie there!  It’s that “don’t retreat … reload!” thing again!  Moreover, Palin said that Schlessinger was being forced out of her job because her rights to free speech were being abridged.  (And, no, Palin clearly does not understand the first amendment.  No shock there.)  But, you see, in Palin’s world freedom of speech means right-wingers can say whatever they want without consequence.  And when liberals say anything negative about conservatives, then it’s an attack on the conservative’s free speech.  Apparently liberals do not havethe same rights.

But I digress.  This whole mess is nauseating.  Instead of apologizing for making some unwise decisions, Palin blames everyone but herself.  She’s not burdended with a conscience and her morals are pig shit so there’s no way she’ll change her M.O. in the future.  It’s going to be more of the same from the Palins of America and more people are going to get killed because of it.

To put a chilling point on this, Congresswoman Giffords made a prescient comment about her placement on Palin’s bullseye map when it happened:

“We need to realize that the rhetoric, and the firing people up and … for example, we’re on Sarah Palin’s ‘targeted’ list, but the thing is, the way she has it depicted, we’re in the crosshairs of a gun sight over our district. When people do that, they’ve gotta realize that there are consequences to that action….”

Whoa.  I’m a pacifist by nature but I have to be forthright here: I will not be upset if someone puts crosshairs ‘surveyor’s symbols’ on Sarah Palin.


“Step Away From The Children!”

January 4, 2011

One last Xmas picture for the season.  Someone needs to call the Department of Social Services pronto.

Thepoopdeck will  return to form next week.  Thanks for your patience during my superfantasticalgreatly vacation.  I’ll soon be providing your daily dose of cynicism and snark once again.


Dare To Express Yourself

December 30, 2010

the most, er, charismatic tree on the lot

This year Mr. and Mrs.  Jones let little Billy choose the Christmas tree.